Thought I'd Be Better...Lol

Man, was I the only about-to-be Dad who thought he was so ready for Dad life? During Kalynn’s first pregnancy I would have these sweet visions of after the baby being born and spending all these tender nights rocking that thing to sleep while an exhausted Kalynn preciously slept by our side. I honestly anticipated being pretty willing to wake up in the middle of the night to help out in the various ways that I’d be needed. Well…am I also the only Dad who had a 10/10 expectation of himself but then a 1/10 reality..? Lol

For starters, one thing that I had yet to learn about myself was that when I am woken up in the middle of the night, which probably makes sense and therefore can’t be an excuse, is that I am already at least a 7/10 on the scale of irritability…and that’s probably being generous. I don’t know why I didn’t calculate that into those daydreams. On top of that, generally, along with the aforementioned irritated’ness of being nudged out of a lovely slumber, I also wake up a little disoriented as I’m sure many of you do as well. So basically from the jump, due to my improper calculations, I probably didn't have much of a chance of being that “super dad” of my prior daydreams. 

Pretty sure a pouty, teenagery “What…?!” while side punching a pillow was probably my most common response as I’d wake up knowing that none of the answers I was about to receive were going to be anything that I wanted. Lol On top of all of this, the other and maybe the biggest problem to this whole shabang was that I quickly came to realize that I literally had zero effect on whether this little child we created would survive or not. Any other Dad whose baby was breastfed can relate. Talk about a motivation killer… Lol 

Every time this slumber killer would cry, she generally ALWAYS needed to be fed while also probably wanting to have her diaper changed as well. Hungry…guaranteed, diaper changed…meh, probably. I emphasize this because we ALL know that there is only ONE person who can provide the sacred nectar that this guaranteed situation is going to need and it wasn’t me. HOWEVER, I was still usually woken up to either A.) provide some moral support or 2.) change the diaper.

Now, my middle of the night logic would say, 1.) requested moral support at THESE hours of the night is…well…a wild request to say the least and B.) If you, as the holder of the sacred darigold nectar that is needed, already have to be awake, then why can’t you just also change the diaper..? Why should we both have to suffer..? Though seemingly logical, yes, I am completely aware that this is absolutely not an “acceptable” route of thinking. Lol Clearly my “middle of the night logic” can’t be trusted and did not have much empathy for Kalynn and her efforts. It’s just tough to do when you know that all this screaming baby needs is the one thing that you can’t provide. And everything would be solved if Mom would just wake up and give it to them… Lol 

Anyways, suffice it to say, my early parenting days started out similarly to my ability to consistently do the dishes…not very good. Lol Luckily though I at least have gotten more opportunities to be better. And I think, and Kay might scoff at this statement, that I really improved…by baby number 3.So for all you potentially struggling papa’s out there, just know you're not the only one and it can get better if you work at it. And to all you dope papa’s out there, I salute you. Just cause we start down doesn’t mean we have to stay there. Just gotta try be 1% better than you were yesterday and build some momentum. 

Anyways, hope you guys have a good week.

PEACEEE

Life's a trip, man...

 Man, life is such a trip. When I was younger and growing up, I had a pretty short-fused temper. This wasn’t like an anytime, anyplace type of temper. As far as I can remember it generally happened only in my house and around immediate family members(I couldn’t let everyone know that I was crazy). I guess only the people closest to me were able to poke the right buttons. Anyways, as I got older, I began to realize that all my temper did was embarrass and make people afraid of me. So when I left for college I really wanted to change that aspect of myself. I mostly just hated the fact that other people could have so much control over me and my emotions.

Now I’m not sure if this just correlated with the fact that I wasn’t around immediate family members or not over the next few years, but I felt like I was really improving. I honestly eventually got to a point where I felt like I had turned my quick tempered weakness into a calm mannered strength. I mean there were still times where I got hot, but it was very few and far between and only around my closest friends I would say.

Fast forward to marriage and I have been seriously exposed. If I ever had the thought that I had conquered the anger beast inside, I was very wrong. Lol Turns out, much like most things I’ve learned in life, it’s a never ending battle. I just never realized I still had so many triggers until I allowed someone so closely into my life. And this is coming from someone who went on an LDS mission and couldn’t leave the sight of another person for 2 straight years. Marriage is a unique playing field of endless opportunities for personal growth if you’re willing to see it that way. And hopefully each side is patient enough to allow the other to work through these opportunities; not always easy… ask my wifey. :) 

And then, just when you start to think, “Wow, I think I’m really beginning to get the hang of this whole marriage thing..,” BOOM! You have a child…or 2…or 3… Talk about a trigger overload and a trip right back to the starting line of improving those weaknesses we thought we had once again corralled. 

Life’s a trip, man. But it’s great. Endless opportunities for growth as long as we’re willing to see and approach it that way. Just when we think we’ve got it figured out, another curveball is coming to push us out of our comfort zone. Depending on your belief in a higher power, I think it’s pretty cool that there’s something or someone out there that cares enough about us to make life’s journey an endless road to self-improvement for each of us. Anytime we’re conquering life’s battles, even as “mundane” as marriage and kids, we’re simultaneously conquering our inner beasts as well. Pretty cool.

Anyways, hope your all doing great and have a dope weekend.

PEACEEE

My "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell Review

So I’d had this book recommended to me multiple times over the last few years. I knew it was partially something that I would be interested in because I had already read a couple of Malcolm Gladwell's books and they were always very thought provoking for me. One of the reasons that I hadn’t yet read it is I’d had the book described to me as “explaining how people become super successful with statistics to back it up. Like what month they were born, etc.” So in my mind, thinking, “well, what if I just learn that I don’t fall within the parameters of people destined for uber success?,” I was a little scared to pick it up.

Long story long, I decided to listen to it. And let me tell you, it was extremely interesting and thought provoking for me. Gladwell basically debunks the fact that there are self-made success stories and that those who achieve “greatness” were blessed with very specific circumstances and opportunities that no one else had that basically propelled/allowed them to be in the situations that they were in. Generally, a prerequisite to success is to be hardworking, disciplined, etc., but on top of that, the “Bill Gates” of the world were also blessed with extremely “lucky” happenstances that were completely unearned by them specifically leading them down their paths of “outlier’ness.”

Great and thought provoking read. Multiple times as I was listening to the book, I had to pause it in order to wrap my brain around what he was saying. You’ll learn how culture, race, and other circumstances of history potentially still seem very relevant with many of the happenings in today’s world. 

Going back to my original fear... If anything it allows me to be more at ease in terms my own path towards "greatness." We see a lot of these people that we deem great and believe at times that simply hard work and dedication will get us to where they are. So begin to work hard and dedicate yet we don't seem to be reaching anywhere near the stratospheres that they're in. Well, some of us just haven't been in "the right place at the right time" to necessarily reach the things that these people have; and that's okay. All we can do is replicate the habits of these greats and then let the cards unfold as they will.

I'll give Outliers an 8/10